Yullen Week 2011
by Zuza chan
Summary: 'cause between us, no words are needed...
1. Day 1 and 2: Silence

Hello there, welcome to my yullen week entries, and I want you to know that...  
>I'm an idiot :)<p>

Actually, a month ago, when I saw that I had absolutely no inspiration what so ever regarding the yullen week, I decided to not participate this year, but a few days ago I thought: Oh, I might as well slack off concerning school and write those stories, I know It's gonna nag on me if I don't do It.. so here I am, with a story I wrote YESTERDAY! And I have only two more stories as of now, so I don't know if I can make it :P I'm sad that the optional themes won't be of much use for me, 'cause I probably won't make it to write two theme's for two days.. well, maybe if I slack of really hard regarding everything else, I might make it :D I'll try :)

So this is my two-day story on the theme silence, and it isn't as good as it was supposed to be (I guess my plot bunny still hates me -.-) and it's really short, but It'll do the thing for now :P So, see you in two days, and enjoy :)

* * *

><p>He softly closes the door after himself, leaving the warmth of Kanda's room, of his lovers room.<p>

Silence surrounds him again. He signs.

"You do not have to talk to me, I understands you anyways." Kanda said, but Allen felt guilty, he felt transparent. He couldn't say anything when it came to their relationship, it seemed his answers were always only

_silence._

Suffocating silence.

Half-assed silence.

Silence full of expectations,

full of cowardness, anger

and silence full of disappointment.

It was the worst thing, knowing Kanda didn't force him to say his feelings, even though he wanted to hear them.

It was the worst thing, having Kanda say considerate things. The one and only Kanda! It was a shame. He was ashamed, he wanted to tell Kanda so much.

And yet he found himself hesitating, hesitating, hesitating.

Once before, he remembers this situation really well, it was the first time Kanda said "I love you", and it was the first time he said he was sorry. That he was sorry, and that he.. didn't know. He shook his head wildly back then, disappointed with himself (He already knew for the longest time how he felt), and he was disappointed in Kanda for not forcing him to tell.

He couldn't do it alone, he was scared, a coward, surrounded by

_silence._

The door handle is hot under his fingers and he realizes that he's been spacing out. He better leave, he thinks, but the door opening again startles him.

Kanda is standing there, with a unreadable expression. He is bathed in sweat, they both are, he tells himself.

He lowers his gaze, not able to look Kanda in the eye.

"I know it, baka moyashi." Allen looks up, trying to figure out what Kanda meant, trying to understand Kanda.

"Idiot, don't eat at yourself, it makes me feel guilty, and it makes you seem stupid" Insults fill the empty corridors of their home.

"You don't have to tell me every little thing, you know. I understand without you saying it."

Thank you, thank you.

He wants to thank Kanda, he wants to blurt out everything, but only silence leaves his mouth, and

despite Kanda saying what did, again Allen felt sorrow.

"In fact, I don't want you to tell me, it's something I want to see and feel, not hear."

Then Kanda kisses him, and Allen, despite the whirlpool of feelings inside of him, kisses back.

When they part, Kanda laughs, Allen blushes, then opens his mouth in effort.

_Silence._

"I understand. 'Cause, you see, dummy, this blush tells me everything."

Redder cheeks, chuckles, silence.

"You know, we don't need to talk, let our actions speak for now, alright?"

He nods, smiles, embraces Kanda, and decides this is all right for the moment, this is good enough for him.

"'Cause between us, no words are needed."


	2. Day 3: Shadow

So, here I am again, I managed to write two more stories (one is an optional theme, so you'll be hearing from me tomorrow as well :D)... This one is for the main theme: Shadow ... I'm not quite satisfied with this one as well, but it's alright! I hope you like it :)

P.s. I couldn't come up with any freaking names for these two themes, but I'll try my hardest for the next few :)

* * *

><p>Allen loved the dark, Kanda figured after some time. The secret night walks were one of the things which made Kanda think that. Allen's love for winter, for stormy skies, and night skies was another one.<p>

Not long after did he realize Allen had another reason, a deeper reason for going out in the dark, for leaving the safety of his room, his home, his bonds, and searching for solitude inside empty hallways and silences.

_The shadow._

The thing following Allen around, making him remember every minute of his day, that he was

the enemy,

the betrayer,

the betrayed,

_lost._

At night, it would vanish, and leave him be. Even though Kanda didn't see it, and didn't know the history surrounding it, he knew that much.

So now, he was following Allen around, as he tried to imagine what it felt like being watched, being forced to remember, to be on guard, to be suspicious all life. But he couldn't.

And that was the reason for his nightly stalker hobby. Even though he was aware he acted like a shadow on his own, selfishly taking moyashi's freedom even at night.

* * *

><p>"Will you stop following me?"<p>

"I'm not following you, baka moyashi."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Going training, obviously."

Their routine discussions lasted for a long time on those nights, never leading to anything, never making any sense, Kanda figured. And even though Kanda began to enjoy those stupid, little conversations, throwing insults, small talk, he never would tell moyashi.

* * *

><p>Moyashi grew weaker and weaker by the day, Kanda realized after some time, but Komui's answers were always the same;<p>

No cure,

apologies,

there was not enough knowledge,

_tears._

So Kanda became anxious. If this kept up, he wouldn't be able to do this kind of thing anymore, he thought. He didn't want them to stop, those night walks, not yet, not ever.

He became impatient, and grumpy, and obsessed.

Ironically, the one who calmed him every time he secretly broke down, was Allen himself, the source of his worry (even though he would never tell).

* * *

><p>"There is no helping it, so please don't act this way, Kanda." Allen says one night, as he sees Kanda following him again.<p>

"How can I be calm in this kind of situation, moron?"

Painful eyes, and painfully indifferent silver ones.

"Because it is unavoidable, and for everyone's sake, please act like nothing's wrong.."

"That's impossible, that's stupid, and ignorant!" _That's not something I'm able to do_, Kanda wants to say, but he is Kanda, and such words never leave his mouth.

"I know. I know, but there's nothing we can do for now.. so you only think about our time together now, alright?" Silent pleadings.

"I...I can't.." He sounds_ pathetic_, it's the first time he sounds pathetic. And the worst thing is, he thinks, that Allen doesn't comment on it.

"Just.. remember our conversations, and stupid little chats, the ones where we didn't need truths to entertain ourselves. The ones where little lies were enough to keep our conversations, and out life's going."

"That's.."

"That way we'll be able to keep up. " Allen persuades, and Kanda, with a pained expression again, vulnerable like never before and never again, has to accept.

"Please Kanda, do it for me..."

"I accept, but only as a temporary solution."

"Thank you Kanda, thank you." _Thank you_'s followed by words that aren't told, but feelings that are exchanged. Silently, _carefully._

"And only because like this we will be able to keep up. To keep up the nightly conversations..." Kanda can't believe those words leave his mouth, but when Allen finished the sentence, he knows it's alright. Because Allen understood and completed: "...in which lies are enough, in which we can hide from reality and truths inside our own little worlds."

"Yes, because between us, no truths are needed."


	3. Day 4: None of them are left anymore

This one's for the optional theme: Last stand

I listened to imogen heap while writing this.. The songs are: Loose ends, whatever and Swoon... This is more of an experiment, a new style of writing, and a new view of things, so It's kinda weird, but I hope you like it anyways :)  
>Oh, and I think I have a name! Finally~~~<p>

_"None of them are left anymore"_

* * *

><p>1.<p>

Allen finds himself inside this bar more and more constantly.

People and people walk past, and he sits.

First time, a piggytaled girl's there. She sits as well, and she talks with everyone. Once, she even talks to him, and he finds her to be a nice girl.

She meets a redhead bunny head, next time.

Then she swoons, he swoons. And the two of them stop comming.

* * *

><p>2.<p>

Allen comes again, _observing._

This time he stands.

A dark skinned, tiny girl comes in, he never saw her before, so he watches, curious.

The girl comes again and again, late at night, and she's always only alone, Allen notes, in this overfilled bar. He finds her to be weird, a little creepy even.

Allen doesn't have the time to study her more, as two dark skinned -their skin is the same shade as hers, Allen observes- men come up to her.

She smiles, they smile, maybe she knows them, maybe not. Together, they leave.

* * *

><p>3.<p>

Allen watches again, as a tall, pale faced man gets swooped by a curlyhead. They both look clumsy, and made for each other.

Allen feels a pang of jealousy, but hushes the feelings, and smiles as the two of them walk out of the bar, their shoulders touching. He isn't sure if he'll ever see them again, but it is not important anyways, he decides.

Allen stays standing in the corner.

* * *

><p>4.<p>

The piggytaled girl is there again, the readhead at her side. They seem to be making friends with a little, funny looking boy. The boy insults the readhead and they start arguing.

Allen smiles, and turns, leaving the bar, relucantly. He wants to find the person already, but it doesn't seem like they'll come today either, whoever it is he's waiting for.

* * *

><p>5.<p>

The next time he finds himself in the small bar, he's drinking lemonade, and eating some cookies.

People and people walk past, and he sits, again.

When hours start passing by too quickly, melting together, Allen stands again.

It seems like _last stand_'s his this time, he thinks, smirking.

He's a little amused, and a little disappointed, as he leaves silently.

* * *

><p>6.<p>

There's a breeze as he walks towards the bar tonight. He swallows up the fresh air, _satisfactorily_ tired from the day, and refreshingly sleepy.

He stops as he sees two girls leaving the bar, laughing. Probably friends, Allen supposes, but he stops, because he hates speculations, he figures. Just observing is enough, seems, but today Allen doesn't feel like it, so he turnes around, and walks away.

* * *

><p>7.<p>

The bitter feelings disappear, as he feels, and hears his heart go _thunkthunkthunkthunkthunk_..

_Hush, hush,_ he wants to say, but piercing, blue eyes stop him, halt him for that one moment.

Dark, long hair sways as he turns towards him. Allens smile widens as he sees the mans smile, and as he hears the mans footsteps_ approaching._

This time it's him, not the piggytaled girl, or the dark haired men.

And he realizes; inside the bar,

_none of them are left anymore._


	4. Day 5: Fingertips, part 1

Hey people, it's me again! Sorry for the long wait, I was lazy again :P

This time, I wrote a two chapter for the themes Fingertips, and Mirror, and this is the first part called guess how!... Fingertips! :D

Even though I hate authors pressuring the readers for reviews, I would like for some, 'cause like this, I feel like I'm doing this for nothing -.- So, please review, or I'll get angry! :D ..and I'll try writing the second chapter as soon as possible.  
>And one more thing, the second chapter will most likely have some smut~~~ I'll put a warning, I thing... If I feel like it :D<p>

* * *

><p>The first time Allen touched a piano, he was eight. Eight, and mute.<p>

Allens life at that point was finally steady, and normal, and the efforts of making Allen talk were finally stopped. Allen didn't want it any other way, as he didn't mind not talking again. He didn't know why he was mute, but he accepted the fact, thinking that maybe, it just wasn't meant for him to talk. He didn't mind it much as well, seeing as he was able to communicate with his friends without talking just fine.

His friends, or at least the ones he dared to call so, were always with him, and accepted him the way he was, so he thought he didn't need a voice. He was quite satisfied with his silent and peaceful life.

When he discovered his passion for getting lost inside blissfully childish melodies, it was kinda like getting a voice for Allen, and even thought he didn't need it, he found himself enjoying it. At that time, he thought he was the happiest kid on earth. The sound of a piano, mixed with the claps and shouts of the small circle of trustworthy people, and feeling the hard ivory keys under his fingers, Allen decided, where the best things he could ever feel. Back then, Lenalee, Lavi, Miranda, Crownley, Komui, Johnny, his music, and even Cross, were enough to fill the silence his voice was unable to.

* * *

><p>So when a few years after. a new member seemed to join his small family, he was scared, terrified even. The thought of letting another person change his environment was something, quite frankly speaking, unimaginable to Allen.<p>

The fact that the newcomer was a mysterious, black-haired boy with blue cold eyes, didn't seem to help either. Kanda, as the boy introduced himself, was, in Allens opinion, very scary. Not only because of his rather questionable attitude and cold mask, but because of his blunt questions as well. That Allen was mute was a fact accepted by his fellow friends, so when Kanda decided to critize it, Allen didn't know how to act. The questions about the reason of his behaviour were straight, and harsh. The fact that Allen didn't actually have a reason to be mute, didn't seem to get into Kandas head, so the insults born from this topic were always rather painful.

Allen at that time, wanted for Kanda to go away, but peculiarly, he found himself enjoying Kandas presence as well. The times when him being mute wasn't mentioned were peaceful, and joyful, and Allen liked them very much.

It took a lot of time for the two of them to become good friends, and for Allen to let Kanda into his family. And even though Kanda acted indifferently, like he didn't care at all, it was very obvious he was happy.

Soon enough, the moment Kanda stopped bringing up Allens weakness, their relationship grew into something peculiar, something even the others weren't able to explain. Kanda seemed to open up to Allen more than to anyone else, and in return, Allen seemed to welcome him more that others. They exchanged few words, or in Allens case, few signs, but seemed to understand each other perfectly.

* * *

><p>When Allen reached puberty, something Kanda reached a few years prior, seeing as the was by a few years older than the rest, everything seemed to change. Kanda, who was pretty cold before, seemed to be icy now, and his relationship with everyone, especially with Allen, changed drastically. He stopped hanging out with them altogether.<p>

If the others were sorrowful, then Allen was devastated. He didn't understand the reason for Kanda acting the way he did at all, so he came to the conclusion that Kanda became to hate him. At first he was only able to feel down. He refused to cry, but he couldn't act indifferent as well. He couldn't help but thing that's what he got for asking for too much. Allen couldn't help but feel guilty for being too greedy, when he had enough before.

When he figured he couldn't go on until he found out the reason for Kandas behavior, he found the courage to question him. Kanda, as harsh and prideful as he was, didn't want to answer to any of his questions, and the conversation was doomed to escalate. Insults were being thrown from one side to the other, and Allen found himself angrier than ever. If not for him being mute, he would have screamed at Kanda like there was no tomorrow, he thought, but like this he was only able to puzzle together hurtful signs, and slap Kanda across the face before running away.

* * *

><p>Allen found himself crying bitterly that night, his palm still hot from the impact. He still tried to understand Kandas feelings, and after some time, he tried to understand his own feelings as well. His head was a mess, and he found his every though to be bound to Kanda in some way. Since when was his life so centered around Kanda? Why was he feeling so betrayed? Why did his heart hurt so much? Such questions didn't let go of him 'till late into the night, when finally, he concluded he was just confused. Allen didn't even believe himself, but he couldn't find another answer, so he let his own heart believe such a lie for the time being.<p>

The following days, Allen found himself going to the music room of his school more and more, but, weirdly, not once did he touch the piano. He felt numb to everything around him, kinda like he was watching the world from a haze. He was still confused and angry, but of one thing he was sure:

He wanted to play the piano, but his heart cried for the touch of something else, something warmer, someone he wasn't able to touch. His fingertips burned for only one thing, and if he didn't do something about his situation soon, he would go mad, he figured.


	5. Day 6: Mirror, part 2

I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I'll let you read, and talk later in the _afternote_ :) Just one thing:

Warning: Plain smut at the end... that's it :)

* * *

><p>It was a well known fact in school, and everywhere else as a matter of fact, that there were only few things able to piss Kanda off. Most of them were absent most of the time, or they were just plainly ignored (as seen in the case of one redhead bunny). So when for once, Kanda came to school more explosive than in a long time, everyone was sure to see it. Something was wrong, very wrong.<p>

And that thing was called Allen Walker.

* * *

><p>A few days prior found Kanda having a very dangerous fight with a beansprout. The fight was fiery and uncontrolled, seeing as the only reasonable person they knew, in this case Lenalee, was nowhere to be found. And to make matters worse, said beansprout was the core of Kandas worries and problems most of the time, especially in this period of his life.<p>

You see, Kanda Yuu didn't like people. In fact, Kanda Yuu liked to think he didn't need people.

So when he found himself harboring deep feelings for one moyashi, feelings that go even beyond those of plain friends, the Kanda Yuu started to feel quite insecure.

So he did the only think he found logical at that time, and every other time, as a matter of fact; he tried to avoid the source of his problem, or in this case, Allen.

That solution seemed to work quite well for a while, but after some time, he began to notice the slight ache in his so called human heart. He missed the little shiter, and it annoyed him to no end that, for once, there was no one else to blame than himself. Unfortunately, Kanda Yuu never blames himself, or at least not public so, so he tried to find some other victim to blame. Seeing as all his so called friends at that time were shunned by himself personally (as a result of him trying to avoid the beansprout), he didn't have anyone to fight with. And that made Kanda even more pissed off. He spent his days glaring at every living creature in his vision range, as well as arguing with his teachers and classmates, to the extent of being called a madman.

* * *

><p>The incident with Allen made matters only worse, and soon enough the inevitable happened. While arguing, or as he would call it fiery discussing things (that couldn't be called anything but arguing, really), with a boy from his class, the classmate asked what was wrong. He snapped, and, after much insulting and even punching, he spilled everything to the boy, the boy he didn't even know that much, at that. He spilled his feelings, aware of how gay he sounded while talking about Allen, but still not aware of how in love he sounded. After that event, he decided to keep an eye on the boy, but curiously, he began handling him with respect as well.<p>

* * *

><p>Everything seemed unchanged after that, besides the fact that the Kanda Yuu opened up to someone. Kanda was as pissed as ever these past days, and everyone else was as scared as always, meaning very scared. Nobody suspected the incident to be such an important development.<p>

Everything seemed to stand still, as the hot summer days neared and neared. Two weeks into the last semester found Kanda standing alone inside an empty classroom. A stranger, someone not knowing Kanda Yuu, would have seen a boy looking at himself inside the big mirror on the classroom wall. They would have found it a normal thing, seeing as people at this age tended to watch them self inside the mirror for more reasons than one. But seeing as this is Kanda Yuu we are talking about here, people, this was anything but a normal situation, so I'll exceptionally explain this one.

You see, Kanda was trying to come up with a solution for his little problem, and the mirror was there because... it just happened to be there. Kanda happened to notice it by chance, while gazing into... nothing in particular. It was only accidentally that he saw that weird expression of his as well. He stood up from his, now warmed chair, and walked towards the, seemingly normal mirror. But Kanda, as he was Kanda, found the mirror to be disturbing. What he saw inside it was an expression he never before saw on his face (actually, it was there with his quite often, while he was thinking about the beansprout, he just wasn't aware of it). The expression of happiness and joy were totally odd, and even uncalled for, in Kandas opinion. It annoyed him, even upset him. The fact that it was there because of a beansprout made him even angrier. When he realized that it didn't make any sense to be annoyed, he calmed himself and tried to understand himself.

The knowledge which came with the calm, was for Kanda, frankly speaking, _horrifying_, and, even though deep inside he knew he couldn't run away from it, he wasn't ready, not at all, so he took his stuff, and left the classroom as fast as possible, kinda repressing the incident for the new few weeks, or a month.

* * *

><p>It was just Kandas luck that the freaking redhead had to hear and see everything, he thought, as Allen came up to him again. Just his f**** luck. As it seemed, Lavi was stalking Kanda for sometime now, and he witnessed Kandas breakdown, or as Kanda would call it, his little error, and his little mirror session as well. Lavi told everything to Allen, like the gossiping hag he was.<p>

And so, now, Kanda was standing here, on the school roof, on the freaking _last day of school_ (he thought he'd be able to run away from, or in Kanda dictionary, _smoothly avoid_ the problem all summer long, but seems his plan fell into the waters). It was early evening, the skies were a soft blue painted with the orange of the golden sun, not that Kanda payed any attention to it. At least most of the students were already gone, is what he thought, as Allen approached him. Kanda just knew what the first signs would be.

* * *

><p><em>Lavi told me. <em>That was it alright.

"Told you what?" Truth be told, Kanda just tried to buy time. It seems, the inevietable would come anyways.

_You know what I mean, Kanda._

"And now what, Moyashi? What do you want me to say?" He didn't know himself, really.

_Nothing. I don't want you to say anything. It's me who wants to say something._

"Oh yeah? Then spill it, bean." He knew he was being unreasonable and unnecessarily rude, but he couldn't help himself, if he'd fall, he'd fall with grace. Despite those determined thoughts, he regreted it the moment he saw Allens pained expression. Allen, like the brave fellow he was, continued anyways.

_I love you too. It's just your tha-_

Whatever Allen said after that was a complete blur to Kanda, but he deemed it unimportant anyways. He knew the name of feelings he felt for some time now, but hearing, or better said, seeing them live made them a thousands times more real. So when Allen finally gave up on saying more, he couldn't but accept the truth, if not with a little fight.

"Oh, Moyashi, I see you've became very confident during the time I wasn't around! But anyways, seeing as you're right, I'll forgive you this time." If not for the soft blush on Kanda's,_ the Kanda Yuu's,_ face, Allen would have thought Kanda didn't mind saying those words at all.

Allen wanted to say more as well, but the warm and rather rough lips on his ones, stopped him. How they appeared there so fast was something Allen never got to find out, but he didn't mind much, seeing as the most important thing was that they were there. Soon enough, he found himself on the rather cold, but clean and empty floor of the roof, kissing and biting and nipping for all he was worth.

_I'm just glad noone's around anymo- _were the last cognizable signs coming from him that evening, seeing as he found a much better use of his arms that day. He was pulling on Kandas clothes, and hair and everything tirelessly, and soon enough, Kanda complied by getting rid of the unneeded articles. Their skin was sweaty and hot, and making sounds that Allen didn't even dare to dream about. His cheeks were a beautiful, rosy pink, Kanda noted, a total opposite of his usual pale skin. It just made Allen look more tasty, in Kandas opinion.

After some time, even those little irrelevant thoughts seized to exist, and the only thing which seemed to matter for the two of them was _connecting_, and _connecting fast_. Their bodies heated more and more, to the point where it seemed they were both burning. When Kanda pushed inside of Allen, Allen thought he would go crazy. The pain he felt was at the same time destructive, hurtful like never before, and the biggest pleasure he ever felt. If not for Allens muteness, he thought, he would have screamed into those blue skies. He found himself drifting away, floating on the softest cloud imaginable, and the thing making him feel the happiest at that time was, that Kanda was the one he was floating with. The dance only ended after a long, long time, which seemed to be an eternity_ too early_. Their bodies were tired, tired like never before, but their minds were the minds of the youngest souls in the world.

They lied there, together, silent and happy, _awash in the sunset_, and the only thing that mattered at the moment were their connected hands and their linked hearts.

_The end._

* * *

><p><em>Afternote:<em>

Sooo, what do you say? I'm quite satisfied! There where a few things I hated, but couldn't avoid.. for example, the use of the word 'Muteness', which has to be that ugliest word I've ever seen, even if it is just once.. Besides that, I'm not quite satisfied with the last scene, the ending kinda felt _too open_.. but besides that, and the fact that I _overdid_ it with those little quirts like 'soon enough', 'in fact', 'as a matter of fact' and so on (I couldn't help myself) :D ...  
>I wanted to say just one more thing... at one point it the last scene, I forgot that Allen was mute in this one (not than I've made him mute -.-), and almost posted the story with him talking :P Luckily, I remembered it, so it's alright now! :)<p>

I hope you all liked it, and I hope, no **I command you to review** :D... See you on the next one, which will most likely be an optional theme, with hopefully more smut (and more explicit one at that) :D


	6. Day 7: Waterfall

So people, here I am again, and with the weirdest thing I ever wrote, I must say :D It is really frugal, so I'm very angry at myself this time.. I feel that this could have turned into my master piece (I know I'm not very modest :P, but anyways) if I'd written more... I had time to do it, I was just too lazy -.- I feel that I haven't shown enough of my feelings and thoughts on this one, just puzzled a few words together.. Like this is just the freaking layout -.- Sorry, you guys, I'll try to really do something, not as _half-assed_ :P

But still, I hope you guys will like it, maybe a little? Just a little? :)

And _review_, please? :)

These two are a must-listen-to-while-reading-this. It'll make you understand the story better, music always makes you understand better :) They're only instrumental, but they're beautiful:

'The Fire' by Imogen Heap

'Ma Vlast Vltava' by Bedrich Smetana - this one is actually about a river, Vltava, so it matches perfectly. And it's a masterpiece 3

And If you're interested, I have a few other songs I've listened to while writing this.. Even though these three don't have the matching lyrics at all, listen to them anyways, the music gave me inspiration; 'Just for now' , 'First train home' and 'Let go', by Imogen Heap.

That's it, sorry for the lost note, I just wanted to tell you everything before I forget.. Enjoy :)

* * *

><p><em>Summer<em>

* * *

><p>The sun shines above his head, as he feels his clear, odourless form flow trough the forest.<p>

The tranquility is nice, but it is sorrowful for Allen, and he feels he'd cry if he could.

People walk past him, animals drink from him, and for a moment he feels as if he's needed, but the loneliness is _consuming_, and he feels his existence is unvivid and meaningless.

He goes on.

* * *

><p><em>Autumn<em>

* * *

><p>He goes on, as green leafs slowly turn crimson red, brown, yellow, orange, <em>so many colours<em>. They fall and leave their nest.

Allen feels jealous, he wants to leave his hideout, he want to turn red, and blue, and green, and every other colour and taste. He wants to _change_, to be noticed, to get a body, and to live.

It seems nobody hears his thought, only his low ripple.

He goes on.

* * *

><p><em>Winter<em>

* * *

><p>Snow falls everywhere around the small river, as it goes by, hurriedly, yet slowly. And coldly.<p>

Allen feels his bodiless form being covered with tiny little snowflakes, and turn blurry and icy. As he flows on, he feels himself freeze, and he wonders when he'll be able to go on again.

He feels lonely, and bored, and _colourless._

* * *

><p><em>Spring<em>

* * *

><p>Allen thinks about disappearing again, flowing by blooming flowers and green scenery.<p>

Then something stops him, something changes him.

He feels his being descent. He wonders, and then hears a voice he could only describe with a colour,_ blue_, say:

"I remember you, you came through me before."

He feels excitement flow trough him, as he feels something _change. _

_You're a waterfall_, he thinks, and then he remembers.

_We__'ve__ met before, and you changed me_, he thinks happily, _Kanda._

"Yes, and you're the one keeping me alive. Without you, I would seize to exist." The waterfall says, and Allen feels joyful, like never before, he feels needed, and the words seem to warm his cold form. He wants to say many _thank you's_, but he feels his waters pull him forward, he doesn't even have the chance to say goodbye.

But the waterfall seems to hear his thought, see his non-existing face, feel his gratefulness and joy, and he says just one thing. Allen barely understands, he cannot hear above Kanda's noise, but Kanda says it only once, and then turns.

"See you again" he thinks he heard, Allen is not sure, but he doesn't mind so much, _I'll find out next spring, _he thinks.

Allen feels like flowing on again, and suddenly, the solitude isn't lonely anymore, and the silence isn't _suffocating_ anymore. He smiles.

And it doesn't matter that no one saw it.


	7. Day 8: Lies

Here I am again, _finally_. I hope you'll like this one as much as I like it :)

Note: you HAVE TO listen to this while reading this entry; .com/watch?v=0dZcpgibeGk

It's the soundtrack of the _beautiful _movie 'Memoirs of a Geisha', and I want you to listen to it!

And I just wanted to thank all my readers, and especially the ones who reviewed and told me what they think! Thank you, kirkland, Animeloverx175, EXO718, and Vhyna sii semelekete!

So, without further ado, here it is, my entry to the main theme 'Lies'! :)

* * *

><p>"I don't love you." Allen voices suddenly.<p>

And the rain is falling hard and cold, as Allen wraps his coat tighter around himself. He's trying to contain his warmth, and the tears behind his hidden eyes. And the treacherous thoughts, desperate, so desperate, trying to leave his, now purple lips.

_It's a lie._

And Kanda stands there, he is silent. He's just _so silent_. His long locks -the ones Allen loves so much, soft to the touch, and silky, and beautiful- are wet and stuck to his beautiful face.

"I don't love you, Kanda." he says again, and he hunches over, in pain, it seems. But no one ever knows that the pain is in his heart, and his soul, rather than in his limbs.

_I'm lying. Only ever lying_

And Kanda is still silent. And so beautiful, Allen thinks. Hauntingly so. His lips, still so richly red, the lips which Allen knows from experience are soft, and unbelievably gentle at times, they're pressed in a thin line.

_I just don't want you to get hurt._

And Allen thinks that if this love, this feeling they're both feeling so intensely now, had happened before, once, yesterday, a long time ago, many life's prior, it must have have ended in another way, in a way it isn't supposed to end now.

If they'd met, on another day, a hundred, or a thousand years from today, they must have experienced blooming gardens, and a warm house, smiles, and roses, and a long, long _life_ together. Blissful senility, and peaceful death together.

_It must have been beautiful._

Allen thinks, as the tears he tried to hide his whole life, spill down his red cheeks, and blue lips, set in an agony filled frown.

_It must have happened, I'm sure._

So now, Allen's able to go on, to lie, to ruin his happiness, if he had one to begin with. Just 'cause he knows they had a lifetime together, and they may have one in their reincarnations, maybe one day. Those thoughts let him keep going, and he looks Kanda in the eyes,_ finally_, thinking beautiful thoughts, thinking, love.

_I'm sorry I'm lying._

And Kanda seems to understand, seems to know, so he smiles bitterly, and watches Allen turn around, ready to face his death, and the death of Kanda's being as well.

_If one day, maybe, we find ourselves living on this beautiful world together, _

_find me._

The last thing he hears is Kanda's sorrowful laugh, and one distant sentence;

"I just regret I wasn't able to kiss you one last time."

* * *

><p>Centuries pass, the world never changes, everything seems the same.<br>Silver hair flutters playfully, as a strong wind blows through the streets.

_I __have to get back soon, or they'll worry again._

The boy is humming a joyful melody, he doesn't remember where he picked it up, but it doesn't matter anyways.  
>"Oh, I'm sorry" he says, as he bumps into someone, while dancing, hurrying, enjoying the rain. He looks up, seeing dark long locks, and blue, oh so blue eyes.<p>

_Beautiful._

'Kanda'.

The name echoes in his mind, he doesn't know why. It's not the mans name, but it's somehow important, the boy figures.  
>He starts walking away, wondering why the strange man didn't reply, as his wrist is grabbed. He turns around, eyes meet, and the world stops for a split moment.<p>

They do not hear the cars passing by, nor do they see the street lamp flickering.  
>The man feels stupid but he cannot let go anyways. He does not remember the past that connects them, but he feels it. And he knows, that if he lets go now, the boy will disappear, that he will become another forgotten, meaningless strange boy. And he doesn't want that, for he knows, the boy can be his happy ending, he can make the boy meaningful as much as the boy can make him.<p>

The rain falls, the world moves on, and they just stand there and stare at each other. Suddenly, a thought crosses both of their minds. The boy does not understand it, the man does not understand it, but they feel the same feeling.  
>Both smile faintly, and the boy thinks;<p>

_He found me._


	8. Day 9: Touch

10 more mins 'till 2012! Happy new year everyone :)! I hope you'll like this one, I don't know if it's any good, seeing as I wrote it 15 mins ago :P  
>I just wanted to ask you guys if I should continue writing my entries? It's already over, but I didn't submit everything, what should I do? Do you want me to continue? If yes, please say so, 'cause I'm confused!<p>

So, enjoy my entry for the theme Touch, even if it's a little sad for new year :P

* * *

><p>It all happened in a flash, so fast that Allen questioned himself if he'd imagined it.<p>

The akuma attacked as soon as he left the inn, and he wasn't able to defend himself, he still doesn't know why. Maybe because of the 14th, maybe because of his constant daydreams that month, maybe even a dream. He asks himself why, but then he figures he doesn't even want to know, it just doesn't interest him, it seems.

The akuma attacks, and hurts him bad, and everything goes black, it seems.

* * *

><p>When he wakes, he finds himself in a white bed, in white sheets, in a feeling close to happiness and satisfaction.<p>

Kanda is there and Allen wonders if he'd ever seen anything so fascinating before. In the absolutely white room, he is the only thing standing out. His raven hair, his deep sea eyes and his black clothes, they are such opposites of everything around that they seem to match, to belong there.

Allen stops the thinking, stops the observing, it seems so inappropriate at the moment.

Kanda approaches, and Allen can't help but remember their last night together. the heath and the fingertips on bound skin, and the love and-

Allen stops when he feels tears running down his cheeks, and he wonders why he though it was their _last night together._

_Am I really dead?_

Kanda is sitting down on the bed now, and is stretching out his hand towards Allen, touching his hair softly. Allen knows this gesture, he remembers it, but it seems so lonely now, so sorrowful.

He talks, he asks Kanda questions, but Kanda only touches him more, his hands becoming desperate soon.

_Why am I here? Where are the others? What happened? Where am I?_

The questions leave his mouth, and soon the tears leave his eyes faster, and faster.

Even though Kanda doesn't talk, Allen seems to understand, his heart seems to understand.

_It shouldn't have ended like this, it wasn't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be on the battlefield, with you and Lenalee and Lavi and the Noah, and blood and passion and.. meaningful. This doesn't make sense._

Kanda looks him in the eyes, Allen has the feeling Kanda hears everything he thought at that moment, and kisses Allen softly, delicately.

He is still silent, but his kisses say;_ I know, I understand._

He touches Allen more, and soon Allen finds his hands returning the gesture. He's crying openly now, silently, but profusely.

Somehow, everything he does seems a blur, and he feels numb. He doesn't even remember when his heart started to beat this fast.

As Kanda lies him down, he remembers one memory, one so simple and yet vivid memory.

* * *

><p><em>Kanda touches him for the first time, he takes his hand. Not romantically so, but to comfort him, silently.<em>

_Allen lowers his head, ashamed of the tears, and ashamed of his heartbeats._

_I'm weird, I've become so weird._

_He's confused, he's angry with himself, and all the feelings make him go mad._

_Only because of one touch, and no words._

_That was the beginning of their relationship, of their happiness, of their lifes, of **everything**, it seems._

* * *

><p>The flashback ends, and he finds himself holding onto Kanda, desperately.<p>

He's crying still, and he's whimpering, and moaning, from the pleasure, and from the pain.

When it ends, Kanda's lying next to him, and he's calm now.

He doesn't know if he's accepted it, he doesn't know what's going to happen next, but everything but sleeping at that moment seemed so _utterly wrong._

So he turns to Kanda, and touches his pale face, the touch so unbelievably real, and then he finds his eyes closing slowly.

The last thing he remembers is fingers pulling him closer, and he knows everything is alright.


End file.
